Biting: Why It Happens and How We Respond

If your child has bitten another child—or your child was on the receiving end of a surprise bite—you are not alone. Biting is one of the most common behaviors in infants, toddlers, and preschoolers. While it can be upsetting and even embarrassing, it's important to remember that biting is a form of communication, not a sign that your child or a child in their class is "bad."

Why Do Children Bite?

Young children bite for many different reasons, depending on their age and stage of development.

1. They're overwhelmed by big emotions.

Young children experience frustration, excitement, anger, and disappointment just like adults do, but they don't yet have the language or self-control to express those feelings in a socially acceptable way. A bite, hit, push or scratch can (and often does!) happen in the heat of the moment.

2. They don't have the words to express their needs

Young children, especially infants, toddlers and twos, are still developing language and communication skills. When they can't say, "I was using that toy," or "You're too close," they may use biting or other aggressive behaviors to communicate a need or frustration.

3. They're exploring.

Babies and toddlers especially learn about the world through their mouths. While teething and mouthing are different from aggressive biting, they can sometimes overlap, especially during the first 2-3 years of life.

4. They're seeking sensory input.

Some children’s bodies need the sensation of pressure that biting provides. Others may bite when they're tired, overstimulated, or anxious because it helps regulate their bodies.  A teether or chewy necklace can help redirect this need in a safe way.

What do we do at the ELS when a child bites?

Our educators’ goal isn't simply to stop the behavior in the moment; they also strive to teach the skills that will prevent aggressive behaviors in the future.

Teachers are coached to remain calm and move the biting child away from the other children.  Using simple language, they might say something like:

• "Ouch! Biting hurts."
• "Teeth are for eating food."
• “I can’t let you bite your friend.  You can say ____”

They then give positive attention to the child who was bitten and include the biting child in this check-in if they seem ready to interact. This models empathy and shows that hurting others has real consequences. Teachers involve the biting child in age-appropriate repair, such as helping get an ice pack or saying, "Are you okay?" We try to avoid forcing an apology, as genuine empathy develops over time and a quick “I’m sorry” does not address the root of the issue.

Teachers help the child name the feeling and their needs. We practice phrases and signs for:

• "My turn."
• "Stop."
• "Help, please."
• "Can I have that when you're done?"

We also teach calming techniques such as stomping feet, squeezing a pillow, asking for space, using a cozy area, or seeking an adult for help.

What If Your Child Is the One Who Was Bitten?

It can be upsetting to learn that your child was bitten at school. Your first instinct may be to feel angry or want someone to blame. While those feelings are completely understandable, remember that biting is a very common developmental behavior among young children and is never intended to be malicious.  It can happen very quickly, even with the most diligent adults supervising.

Here's how to support your child if they were bitten:

1. Offer support and sympathy.

You might say:

• "That looks like it hurt."
• "I'm sorry that happened."

2. Help your child process what happened.

Depending on your child's age, encourage them to talk about the incident. 

Ask open-ended questions like:

• "Can you tell me what happened?"
• "How did that make you feel?"
• "What happened before the bite?"
• “How did your teachers help you?”—This part is important.  Allowing the child to talk all the way through the situation to the repair and conclusion helps them process and recognize that they are safe and cared for.

If your child is an infant or non-verbal toddler, you can talk through your understanding of the situation. Remember, the goal isn't to assign blame, but to understand the situation and help your child make sense of their emotions.

3. Teach self-advocacy

Practice simple phrases or signs your child can use in future situations, such as:

• "Stop!"
• "I don't like that."
• "I’m using that."

Role-playing these responses can help children feel more confident if a similar situation happens again.

4. Work with teachers and admin.

We always write incident reports for both children when bites or other harmful behaviors occur that leave a mark.  These include what was happening before the incident, how the situation was handled, and what steps are being taken to reduce future incidents.  Ask follow up questions to ensure you and the teachers are communicating and on the same page about what happened.

Remember that the goal is to keep everyone safe, not to punish the other child.  We do not share names of the other children involved in an incident to protect the privacy of the child and their family.

5. Help reinforce a sense of safety.

Most children recover quickly from isolated incidents, especially when caring adults respond calmly and supportively. Continue encouraging positive social interactions, and don't assume your child will become fearful of other children because of one or two bites or other incidents.  Try not to talk about the other child negatively.

If your child seems unusually anxious about returning to daycare or repeatedly talks about the incident, provide extra reassurance and communicate with the teachers about any ongoing concerns.

Remember: There Are Two Children Who Need Support

When a biting incident occurs, there is one child who has been hurt and another child who is still learning an important social skill. Both deserve compassionate, developmentally appropriate guidance.

Supporting the child who was bitten means offering comfort, helping them feel safe, and teaching healthy ways to respond. Supporting the child who bit means setting clear boundaries while helping them develop the emotional and communication skills they need to make different choices in the future.

My role is to track incidents, look for patterns and motivators, and help teachers and parents come up with strategies and interventions to prevent and address biting and other harmful behaviors. If you ever have major concerns around biting or any behavior that your child experiences, please reach out.  I am here for you!